What should I do?
There’s something he and I have. Sort of understanding and attachment one to another , that is difficult to understand observing sideways. He is not little at all, though his age is forcing him to be. He struggles with that force, so his interpretation of it is ever so tiresome. Not to me. He and I are second to all the first before us. His unspeakably pure blue eyes are excessively similar to the dark ones I have, probably because they see the same way. Because they are always looking second before first. And sometimes I feel so guilty, for the closeness of our two beings, for I resist my common sense as his guardian in the school of life, and against all my spirit urging, I encourage him to adopt his heart to the first ones, absolutely convinced that there is where he will never belong.
What should I do? What should I do, I keep asking myself, sometimes spontaneously out loud. And my dark eyes then drop his tears, pretending they are not lost. I would weep those lost tears, so they die a million times on my cheeks, rather than see them gather under his eye. But what should I do?